Home Educating the Puddle Girls…

… and we’re still going strong.

We are, however, in our weakened state, about to do my passport application

Nic… i hope you are in practice

Today went well, by and large. Tired, so i’m going to do it in noteform though!

Fran finished MPH3A2, except for the division section and we flicked through 3B1 but it is almost all practical weighing and measuring, which we need to do but might as well do as a gang. So she skipped that one and did the data section of 3B2. Tomorrow she is apparently going to do the fraction section, which will be way too easy for her. Lol - think buying that set was a bit of a waste of time really. Way she’s going, she’ll have done a years worth in 6 weeks the she did a load of English on EC and some blogging too.

Maddy did pages and pages of ETC2 - suddenly she loves it and was sounding out 4 letter wordws easily and blending too. Hurrah. She also did other stuff but i couldn’t really tear her away.

Amelie and Josie were also sat at the table drawing and doing stuff, so it was all fairly nice.

And then the FIMO arrived. And that, really, was it! Photos tomorrow

I’ve got the kits and some accessories online so far, but i need images so i’ll hope they arrive tomorrow and leave the colours till then. need to have a poke about at my competitors and size up prices, but it all seems reasonably standard, so i don’t plan on changing anything much.

So excited to have it though. I’m ridiculously easily pleased at times

I’m just trying to make some business cards… what am i? MD is ridiculous, sole trader sounds to silly, chief cook and bottle washer is more like it but lacking in status… so i’m… what?

The Fimo arrived; 4 massive boxes of it!
Of course, they haven’t sent me the images yet, so i can’t actually sell it, which sadly means me and the girls will have to use it all instead

Weehee!

Back sometime

In the last few days Maddy has acquired the ability to add up vertically across tens and also to read. Startling really. I think she’s done it even quicker than Fran did and certainly with a lot less effort. Of course, with Maddy you never know if she’ll still remember next week, but i took todays sudden explosion into sounding out new 4 letter words and reading out sentences as a good sign. She finish ETC1 anyway, which has been a long old slog really but then ended at considerable speed. When she suddenly “got” the adding up and carrying too, i decided today was a “good brain cell day”.

Fran was busy with some ECYr4 stuff; not convinced it will stretch her much actually, but i’m distracting her while i work out how to do division the MPH way, as (surprise) it isn’t how i was taught. Um… Alison? Yesterday we strayed into long multiplication and i had to stray back out again as i got into danger of saying “because you just do”. Ah ha - we have RaineDrops visiting this week… Barbara can do it! Fran is also reading Castle Diary (and Famous Five and something else.. lol…) - she pronounces it to be “brilliant”.

Amelie and Josie mainly tormented each other, or their sisters, or me. Not my best bit of parenting there today.

And here follows a long and self interested waffle about my counselling session so far, which you don’t have to read at all, unless you are waiting for next years Big Brother to start and therefore have nothing better to do. But i’m putting it here, because it is part of me and my life - and its my blog, so i can if i want to

I had another counselling session today; so far i seem to have managed to come away with something obvious but extraordinarily meaningful to me from every session. The first was almost her last sentence that week to me “depression is always to do with loss; if you are depressed, it is because you have lost someone or something.” That got me thinking very hard, because the first time i really remember feeling utterly beside myself, completely full up with sadness, was when i was 7 and my mum told me about the twins she had miscarried when i was 2 or so. She was utterly bewildered by how upset i was (why did she tell me? I have no idea) - sometimes the most obvious bits of your life don’t begin to jigsaw together till you look at them with the aid of someone skilled (and i would say M is a very skilled counsellor). Seems like maybe my life got bound up in the whole baby/perfection/grief thing from quite early on, especially when you add my anxieties about my toes in to it.

So anyway; that got me thinking about the reactions (via depression) i’ve had to some life events over the last 15 years or so and looking thoughtfully at what i’ve “lost” that has triggered them.

The last session we talked about control and blame; i got a bit blown away by that session, but eventually the lynchpin of the session came back to me, best explained by a comparison she drew. When things go wrong i can’t really control, i know i do tend to blame myself (i guess i’m specifically thinking of Fran and Josie’s births here, though we didn’t discuss that at the time) - her comparison (in reaction, not gravity of situation) was that a typical response from a child when it suffers abuse is to blame itself, because to take responsibilty for something bad which happens exerts some control over the circumstance, and therefore brings it into a place where you can try to overcome or own it. Not sure i explained that very well.

I think that probably does relate to those 2 births and perhaps more recent circumstances too; i go looking for ways in which i fail and i take those upon myself and beat myself over the head with them, because then at the very least i don’t have to acknowledge that sometimes sh*it will just happen. In retrospect, i’m not sure i’m being very fair to myself And given i’ve established that i like being in control, situations which leave me lying on my back with my abdomen cut open, are probably likely to be mentally problematic

Todays was a long old meander (we’ve not even started discussing the real reason i’m there yet, mainly cos i can’t actually get 2 words out about it without dissolving into incoherent tears) - but the crux of it was, when i thought about it, is that my life has evolved into blog posts and i’ve somehow taken on board a huge portion of living with Aspie like people and spiced it up with “re-read that blog post 6 times and edit it for correctness that has been defined by other people before pressing publish” - and i’ve started to do it in my life and in my head. Instead of being me, instead of feeling, and being spontaneous and open hearted, i’ve listened to some extraordinary repressive stance on how i’m allowed to be. Why exactly have i done that? I’ve got no idea.

I’ve listened to people who think they are allowed to project their opinion of how i’m allowed to act and think. I’ve not just started re-reading my life before i publish, i’ve started letting myself censor it, because of something i think i care that people might think. Wu-huh?

So that was an eye-opener; but todays soundbite, todays thing to carry forward was that “if i’m generous enough to let people lump their baggage on me, because it suits them to make someone else hurt, they’ll spot it and they lump you with it.” It’s been happening to me since the playground and it’s been happening again for a couple of years. And i’ve simply got to stop letting it. So long as i don’t go around deliberately hurting people, i’ve got to accept that i’m allowed to be as i am and if people don’t like that, i’ve got to accept that that is their issue, not mine. I’ve got to stop listening to people who tell me what i can write, or think, or feel, or do. But most importantly, i’ve got to learn to walk away from those situations; i’ve got to stop modifying myself to be “acceptable. It isn’t doing my self image any good. Not quite got that one sussed yet. But i’m working on it.

My friend’s test came back all clear. No need to test the baby and no more than normal chances of a repeat

Thank goodness for that

Feel like i spent all yesterday trying to juggle the needs of everyone in a rather high maintenance fashion for a sunday However, it was largely successful i think, everyone seemed to end the day happy anyway, apart from Amelie who got terribly overtired and itchy last thing.

Amelie and i spent the morning going through flickr again (we’d done it rather a lot over the weekend in general) and we picked out lots of photos from the first 3 years of her life, printed them on the lovely photo printer that i don’t get to make nearly enough use of and she put them into an album, slightly haphazardly it has to be said, but she had a lot of fun. Was nice to bond over it. Obviously i ended up crying myself to sleep both nights from baby/toddler photo overload, but i’m not damaged by that too much i don’t think I wonder if that will actually ever go away? I was bad enough before April. Succeeded in making myself ridiculously broody again anyway, so have been chanting mantras about all night feeds, blobby fat and never being able to find two minutes to myself.

Anyway.

Maddy has been making lots more HappyMais models, to the point where i am planning on giving her a section on BM all of her own! Latest are some disco and halloween models/pictures, which i really liked. Must photograph them. She has a collage challenge for Rainbows to do this week, which i must apply myself to facilitating. She also read me a whole Pooh Bear book (from that nature trails series) which was slightly surprising! Then we set her up a blog of her own, which still needs tweaking, so i must encourage her to do something for that. Though i could set them up free flickr accounts maybe, so they could have some control over that too and keep a record of their work.

Fran didn’t seem to need me much, not quite sure what she was actually doing apart from blogging and emailing me little messages, but she had fun all day i think - and Josie just ramaged about, overtired and cross and making everyones life difficult. (Reason 832 not to have anymore children).

I finished off the day ambling through some parcel packing, so i just need to stamp them now and then all i have to do today is engage with the children and negotiate the dentist Oh - and answer my emails, which are all backed up again

I spent with Josie and Fran, while Max took the middle two motor-racing. We’ve had a very pleasant day indeed, pottering about and doing not a great deal.

I’ve sat and done some new BM pages, not least a start on some new resources; had a bit of a practise with this Hama Bead Flower Design and then learned how to add to my BeadMerrily News page. (Forgive the gratuitous linking, Jax makes me do it ) I’m a lot more motivated now, so i should get quite a bit done over the next little while.

Fran sat with me and did endless Hama stuff, several kits that had got a bit too squashed to sell and had a lovely time planning presents for people that she wants to make for Christmas. Josie pottered about and learned to thread Maxi beads onto Scoobis. She was extremely pleased with herself and seems to like yellow very much

While she snoozed, Fran and i customised her blog, which i am now allowed to share, though she likes the private option so lots of it is hidden! When the others got back, i went out for a ride; i’ve managed 25 miles this week, so if i can get out again tomorrow, i’ll have 30 or so. That’ll have to be good for me

In the words of Nanny Macphee *ducks and runs away from Alison*

My aim for the last 2 weeks was to get some sort of calm, rhythm and structure back into our days. I feel like we’ve achieved that, i think everyone is much happier in general. next week i’m starting up our “timetable” - which is going to be nothing more than giving the older children a clearer picture of what normals are expected on normal days and assigning a subject to afternoon on a kind of 2 week rolling timetable. To be honest, it is really only for me. I don’t imagine they will notice “history” or “geography” and i’m not planning on any sort of strict subject demarcation either, but i’m hoping it will help me make better use of our afternoons.

Parceling was busy again this morning. I’ve had an account free option installed which i expected to make a difference but actually so far all the new customers have made accounts anyway. Still, it streamlines it all a bit and i’m pleased. There is a variety of other stuff being added over the next day or two which will also help.

Fran spent half the morning on Studydog 3, no idea why but suspect it was in fact useful for her in terms of word construction, which she still finds hard. Reading fine, making words come out of her fingers not so fine She worked very consistently at that, while Maddy finished her HappyMais models.

Indians on a beach playing and hunting.

Forest hunting scene.

She is very insistent that i call it indians; i initially assumed she meant native Americans and tried to correct her a bit, but no, she really means people from India, aka the stories we’ve been reading.

Aren’t they fab?

Both then did some Nezert maths books; multiplication for Fran and addition for Maddy. Amelie was utterly absorbed in the castle Fran has made and played with it for hours and hours. She did do a load of Studydog though and then announced she can now read

Maddy did a heap of 3 letter word matching and sounding out, faultlessly, Fran finished her bookmark, which she has kindly made for me

then Maddy joined her (but isn’t finished yet) so did Amelie and now they are all going “ommmmm” in the living room. No really, they are

Of a not very still life. This was the scene of the top of my fridge this evening and there seemed something so “home educating family with 4 girls”ish about it, that i wanted the photo; ballet school, tap shoes, cheque books, car keys, fruit still in its net bag, fish in a vase in the background and the ever present ticking by of the microwave clock.

Hey ho

My house is clean and tidy from top to bottom and i hardly did any of it. Gosh that makes me feel so good I love Lucy I am just SO much less stressed now, it makes such a difference. There is just a layer of general crud being slowly lifted away from my life that completely changes how i feel about getting on with stuff. On my bed are the last 3 boxes of things that need sorting out (yep Sarah, THOSE boxes!) and then i’m pretty much done. By next week we should have a crafting area sorted out in the garage and then that will be another space that gives us a place to be without making in-house mess. Life feels so much better. (EDIT: stopped for a bit and SORTED the 3 boxes out! I am crud free!)

Plan was this morning to do normals but while i was packing parcels the girls all got very into happymais and started building huge castles and scenes of various sorts. They were so content and playing so well that i just left them to it; harmony has been lacking enough recently and it seemed a bit daft to pull them away to do maths and english! They were busy all morning and till well after lunch, giving me time to spend with a friend, time to do some work and time to spend with Josie and, on occasion, Amelie when she drifted by. All felt very nice. Josie is (not) potty training by her own insistence. i have explained we DON’T potty train in this house until 2 1/2, but she isn’t listening. She won’t use the toilet though, despite her persistent nakedness - “i done it mummy, i done water on floor.” My carpets….. Honestly, she is naked so often that delivery men have started to come to the dorr and the first thing they say is “oh, are you naked again?!!?!?!?” and after i have checked *i* haven’t forgotten to put on any clothes, i’m just left to roll my eyes helplessly in a “failed mother” type fashion. Oh well.

You know, i’ve just totted it up, my children add up to 20! (almost) - i’ve got 20 years of parenting experience (to run concurrently, no time off for good behaviour….)

Following lunch and a hasty clear up so Lucy could vacuum clean, i broke open a Yoga Bugs dvd i bought the other day. i saw this lot on Dragon’s Den - and i’m quite sure they went on for exposure, not money - and so when Maddy started making up her own exercises, i thought of them and wondered if she’d enjoy it. Seemed to me something engaging but calming and that will lteach her to centre herself might be a good idea so for £10.47 or whatever, i thought we’d give it a go.

All 4 absolutely loved it - it warms up, does 2 stories using movement and warms down all in a very entertaining fashion, the woman is suitably Juliet Stevenson-ish and it really caught their attention. Even Josie joined in. In all, they did it 3 times straight through and i had to drag them away to go swimming. So a hit, i would say

Swimming was fine, Maddy has really got her confindence back and demonstrated a width of backstroke to her class today. She likes her new teacher, a young laddish chap who she seems much happier with than her last teacher. Amelie seemed to be having fun in her own way and Fran is clearly keeping up fine in level 3.

I finished off with a cycle; Max fitted a doodad to my bike so i am now the proud owner of the knowledge that my route is in fact 6 miles and that i do an average speed of 11mph. So that made me very happy indeed!