The girls are despatched (is there a difference between dispatched and despatched, does anyone know?) to my parents. Ammi had a bit of a wobble about being left but not much. Evidently this is a global problem, not just nursery. I acquired Primark nighties (6 nighties and 12 pairs of socks for £13!!!!) so Max will be pleased with my wifeliness. I’ve done as bid

Josie achieved her first drop from top of stairs to bottom today – with somersault, double flip and pike and some extra difficulty points awarded for the full length carpet burns. Whoops. Obviously, she hasn’t learnt from her mistake though. She’s said “Dad-deee” very clearly several times today while asking for Max.

We plan to totally clean and sort the house and send much to tip/dump/ebay too – feel quite energised by the idea. So much for romance.

While in the car, Fran and i had a long talk, since she was in the front to accommodate the crib which was going back to my mum. We covered alcohol, tobacco and drug abuse, poisons, hormones and bodies changing, adults who do cruel things to children and when its okay to keep a secret and when the last thing you should do is keep it secret. Felt like a very grown up conversation. Had a mildly unnerving moment when she told me something that happened at HESFES in the playground when i wasn’t with her, but i *think* it was okay – she doesn’t seem scarred by it anyway. Odd she hadn’t told me, but i’m fairly sure that its because it didn’t make her worried. Slightly shocked by her being given attention by 13 year old boys though, having watched her pull an 11 year old without even trying the other week. (*SHRIEK*) Still, its no matter, she’s going to marry Ernest.

Right, i’ll go make a start. Wish me luck. Its a jungle in here.

Pleasantly girly day, other than the bit below, today.

The big two have developed sudden mini-mutant tendencies and have grown out of the coats they’ve had for the last 18 months or so. (Cheeky blighters.) So today was the day that we decided to replace them, plus go on a hunt for sundry other items of stuff people needed.

I do think that shopping trips that go like the following are to be commended – we wanted to replace two H&M fleece zipper jackets – we walked in, immediately saw this years version of the two they used to have, they both instantly like one or other of the two colours, we bought them. Bingo! Plus we saw, while there, a t-shirt in a colour of blue that Maddy adores; she asked, i gave in and by convenient co-incidence there were a couple just near by that both the other girls fell in love with too. I love it that Fran goes for pink and sparkly still but has no desire at all for anything particularly “grown up” – she is quite happy as a pink “tomboy” as it were.

Was a bit of a shock to have to shop for both of them in the 7-13 section though What happened to my miniature children?

Didn’t have quite such luck in Tesco Extra; Max had demanded they have nighties, because he gets stressed if their pj’s don’t match but i couldn’t find any. Well, at least i found 1 fairly horrid £2.50 one but that was all. If anyone knows of a place online i can get decent priced nightwear, preferably unbranded, do let me know.

Still. Next stop was wellies for Fran, who has achieved the dizzy heights of Size 13 and needed new ones (to go with her new tap shoes no doubt.) Brantano’s was opposite the checkout, moreorless so, looking rather nervous, she set off and when i got there she had found a lady, got her feet measured and chosen wellies. Very brave of her really, she still finds speaking to strangers quite tough. Testament to how much her speech has come on really, that she had no difficulties at all.

Maddy has been begging for slippers for a year and wheedled some out of me, she has worn them solidly since she got home. Here they are, modeled with her Rainbow Uniform. Yes i know it looks like a burger bar outfit, but you can’t tell her. She’s wanted one desperately for ages and more and more girls in her pack wear them. When we got there today, one in her size was going for 1/3 of the price, so i gave in

Very little “education” has gone on today but its been another pleasant Thursday – we made Brownies and they are suitably yummy (excellent recipe Kirsty!) I’ve had nice phone calls with Half Moon Peter, Linzi and a mad cold calling idiot. Fran did some maths and we’ve all sat and read “Mik’s Mammoth”, which Tammy let us borrow and is a really gorgeous book, perfect for a Stone Age project.

No, i’ve not started putting them in cardboard cubicles, or whatever it is that some curriculums suggest, she was just trying to escape Josie!

And here is Maddy with her Learning Explorer game. She was so proud to earn it.

We’ve ended up with Rainbows and Brownies, two activities which seem to score 100% here and now i’m settling down to a (i hope) peaceful evening. Although, now that Josie (who said “YES” today, i’m convinced of it) has discovered how to unpack boxes, my last safety net has gone. I used to be able to leave boxes around… no more. This child is a firm kitchen cupboard/box looter.

We went, she cried, we came home again.

I’ve backed myself into a corner with this now. She’s knows i’ll take her home, i know she actually quite enjoys it, she knows she doesn’t have to go, i know she doesn’t have to go.

I don’t know if i’m being given the run around, she doesn’t know what she really wants “I like it but i don’t want to go”, i don’t have the flexibility to stay and settle her endlessly.

Have i given it a fair try? Is she doing this because she senses my ambivience? Is she genuinely not ready/not interested? Is she afraid of something new but secretly wanting me to help her get used to it?

I don’t know. Bits of me just think “bugger it” and bits of me think “give her a few minutes and then walk away as long as she isn’t crying.” I don’t have that many options really and i don’t actually know what i want anymore, never mind know what she wants, that bit is just unutterably beyond me.

Predictably, Amelie wanted to go to nursery, right up to the point where we arrived. At that point she went all wobbly and sad and bottom lippy. Sigh. it seemed to be a genuine wobble rather than mummy-killing and i didn’t really know what to do. Fended off the instantly available arms and retreated for a brief conference with Amelie. No, she didn’t want to go home exactly, she just didn’t want to go to nursery on her own. So she agreed to go and sit with a staff member while i went and got the others from the car, then i said i’d stay while she decided what to do.

When i got back she was sat looking at a story on a lap, still looking rather woebegone but not crying and not looking for me either. Spent a bit of time observing, then went over and asked her if she’d decided what she wanted to do. She said she wanted to stay, so the rest of us left.

*Sigh* its not been this hard before, the others have gone to playgroup/nursery without a backwards glance. I’ll give it another week or so and then make some sort of decision i suppose. As it was, i went back to get her early and she was absolutely fine, clearly cheerfully into whatever was going on. I think its just a confidence thing.

Otherwise the rest of the day has been more of the same. I think everyone is enjoying a bit of routine after a busy summer and a varied year. Mornings seem to be passing in a haze of “basics” in the form of computer games, play and workbooks. I’m increasingly impressed by Singapore maths, its paced just right for Fran, i may get the First Grade stuff for Maddy.

Fran finished her Richard the Lionheart picture and this afternoon we read about him and King John in Tony Robinson’s book and added them to the timeline. Also read a bit about the Crusades in Storming Norman’s. Maddy and i have agreed to ignore estimating in her maths book (“what’s the point? I can just count them”) and now everyone is zonked infront of a dvd. I’ve got to parcel up beads.

Josie has been adorable today and impressed us all by standing, straight and unaided, for nearly one minute today.

I had a brilliant summer, it was excellent but i must admit i am enjoying a bit of mundanity right now. Its been highly pleasant to sleep at home for more than 2 weeks at a time!

Mr Dowling

You’d think i’d have some inkling of what’s going on by now, i mean i do have 4 of them and i am with them 24 hours a day – and i do put in a reasonable amount of thought about them. But no, i seem to stumble about in the dark quite a bit.

Still. Tammy came over today to sit the 3 others while Amelie and i tried nursery again. Amelie came out with the surprisingly lucid (if you think about it) comment “I do want to go, but i don’t want to go.” For a 3 year old, i think she expressed that fairly well. So we went, to give it another try, and within minutes it was obvious she was perfectly happy for me to leave her. Which given yesterdays performance was a trifle surprising. On the way home though i had a lightbulb moment and came to the conclusion that this is a control thing, not in the negative sense but in quite a reasonable and acceptable sense. Amelie likes to be in control; going to nursery is a big thing and she needs to know she is calling the shots. Well, that is fair enough. I think yesterdays tears were about checking that if she said no, i would listen and when i did listen, that made it fine.

So *Gold Star Mummy* points there i think. Must admit feeling really frustrated for the screaming little boy at the door while i was watchnig Ammi through the window though. His mum held him and cuddled him, promised she wouldn’t leave him then walked in, let a nursery teacher peel him away, turned around and left. Now, i know its not easy, but the last time i left a child like that, Fran was less than 1, accepting a few weeks when it just couldn’t be avoided when Maddy was 6 months or so. And i just feel so frustrated for people who perhaps don’t realise this doesn’t have to be obligatory. I’m just such a different person from the one who thought lying to a small child was okay. (EDIT: Just want to qualify this a bit; i’m not being judgemental of the individual here, though it might seem it, but i do think that we have a system set up completely wrong if it mainly revolves around children being “broken ” from their parents. If we had the school system right, it would start at an age where children were ready to move away to some extent and this whole culture of having weeping children peeled away from sobbing mummys just wouldn’t exist. If Amelie had wept, i’d have taken her home, i only wish she had really.)

Anyway. This morning passed in a haze of normals, maths book boardgames, colouring etc. Fran did some stuff on Richard the Lionheart, which we talked about in some depth (not that i know a great deal.) We talked about how the “infidels” of our story are actually a Religious group we know well, the difference between Religions having an impersonal “hating” face and the personal level of people who know each other, how the Crusades are probably responsible for much of the Worlds troubles since. And yes, you’ve guessed it, she’d quite like to know more. So we’ve got a plan to look at Islam and Christianity in more depth and also try to find out the story from both sides; i think i know the perfect people for that.

All of which did make me think that while i’m not good at fascinating my children with the wonders of maths, something i beat myself up about rather a lot, i am a pretty good resource when it comes to the story of our world historically. And more, how wonderful it is that my children have inspired me to know more about that.

(PS “Scarf ladies” as the girls here refer to you, Tammy and i were wondering about covering Eid at group and then some other religious festivals in the run up to Xmas. Would you be up for that? Would be nice to cover several different religions to give it balance.)

This PM we did some Rainbow Rock, played with Sam, finished off First People and decided to do a Timeline of some of the things we’ve discovered and then the big two played while i fed Josie.

Maddy has decided to give up dancing, she has found the instructions to hard to follow, so that meant only Fran was going to be going. I needed to collect Ammi from Late Club promptly because if you go even a minute over the cut off point you get charged for the next hour, which is an extra £3. I bathed Josie, settled down to feed her, gave Fran a 30 minute warning and reminded her of exactly what she needed to do. 15 minutews later i called out and asked her if she had everything together and asked her to start changing. “Yes, got it all, done it” she called. So, 5 minutes till leaving, Josie finishes and i tell them to go get in the car. At which point it becomes obvious that Fran is not washed, not changed, has not brushed her hair, has not found her missing sodding ballet shoe. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And what i hate about this is that a) she had lied and b) i just start screaming. So i turn into the mother from hell, she cries, we end up driving like a loon to get there, all because she thinks i’ll nanny her into everything (which i never do with this so you’d think she’d have learned) and because she is incapable of putting her uniform and shoes into the uniform and shoes drawer. I mean, how difficult is it? I’m not ferrying her to ballet for the good of my health. She does actually want to go, so i mean, come on?

She got her come-uppance today because i charged her the £3 the extra minute cost me, so that is this weeks pocket money gone. *Horrid mummy*

Tomorrow will hopefully have some arty-crafty, hands on stuff in it. We’ve finished ETC4 and are going to take a break from that, so i think we’ll aim for drive-by-normals of a few pages of Singapore (nice and easy for her and clear and simple) and a bit of Smelly Spelling. She and i looked at some CGP History too; might use that as normals for “jumping off” points but really, given its supposed to go up to age 11, its stupidly lightweight. She’d be bored silly with that level of stuff in school. Might get back into a reading book too as she isn’t reading much now all out long car journeys have stopped.

My last thing of the day is the complete warfare that has broken out between Amelie and Maddy. They are being utter bitches to each other and it makes me so sad as up till now we’ve generally had very harmonious sibling relationships. When i think how badly my own relationship with my sister broke down during our childhood, it made me realise tongiht (after they were sent to bed in silent disgrace for a cat fight), that i have to approach this differently. I need to give them some strategies for dealing with the strong natures they have and their different abilities to deal out, deal with anger. Maybe if i start now and give them some understanding of how they hurt each other, the teenage years will be almost bearable.

From the level of bobbing up and down that went on, it was fairly obvious that Fran had got the idea of who Jadis, Queen of Charn might be. Maddy wasn’t far behind and both of them enjoyed the humour of Uncle Andrew the “King”. I hate being interupted while reading outloud but i swallowed my ill-humour and, inspired by Sarah, i managed to stop for a few conversations about what was going on. Fran is an interesting little person to have a conversation about the rights of a ruler over his/her subjects with. For a 7 year old, i think she’s got quite an able grip of the politics of royalty; certainly, despite her abiding love of Henry VIII, she doesn’t think he was a particularly good man. Anyway, the “Deplorable Word” bit of this chapter is fairly blunt but did give us food for thought.

It did also bring up “dying suns” again though; HESFESers may remember Fran sobbing with fear about our sun dying then coming up with the classic “Mummy, i’m really worried about the end of the world. I’m worried we’ll start again and be cows and i won’t be able to learn about Greek Myths.” Lol. So we might be doing something about that tomorrow i suspect

Might be interesting to explore the use of the word against “the bomb” at some point too i suppose, given it was written just after. It can only be a matter of time till WW2 interests Fran.

Study Notes