Another nice Sunday

Sundays seem lovely just now. I got a lie in and a long snuggle from each girl too. They played on various websites, we read the papers, Scruff had a nap. Both big girls thoroughly enjoyed decorating a piece of pretty opitec nature card with stickers – Pud did dolphins and whales on water, Moo did Xmas stickers on to stars. Very pretty.

Later on we took them out to the town park and had a fabulous time. Pud explained to daddy all about how leaves break down into earth, we picked out all the evergreen trees, they ran about and climbed into trees, raced each other, played swings and slides. We sat in the cafe having ice creams (???) and felt like we had gorgeous, civilised girls out with us. They played in the circle outside while we finished our drinks and we could trust them to stay in view. It was fab.

Came home and had a communal tea time again, something we have got into only recently for one reason or another. All enjoyed being together. Then the big two played on a Mickey mouse cd rom while daddy got out the technical lego and i tidied. Moo was particularly fascinated with the lego (used to be uncle rich’s) and Pud made a tractor, or tweaked it or something. We have a box of small size lego in the garage we must find for them. I never know where anything is with all this moving house :~(

Wasn’t quite all idyllic – Pud and Moo were both reduced to tears today over an argument as to who had pink as their favourite colour. Apparently it can’t be both of them. I suppose i WAS like this….

I’ve been preparing mini laminated whales to stick on to our world map tomorrow in their appropriate areas. Had only done killer whales but was instructed to do them ALL – finding clipart of a Right Whale is um… tricky… We have quite a sociable week coming up as well so may not do so much this week.

Bargain!!!!!!!

Took our money for clothes up to Tescos today and its 20% off all clothing (not like jumpers with only one arm or that sort of thing either before you start… you know who you are!) So we ended up getting masses of clothes for the two big girls to share. They wear the same size so it really worked out well. 11 pairs of trousers (ones with elastic that might actually stay above Puds bum!) 4 long sleeved tops, 4 warm fleece tops, new socks and knickers and lovely pjs from H&Ms. We also bought a mass of new bedding and everyone is now tucked up between clean sheets and protected mattresses I’ve actually still got enough money left over to get Moo new shoes and a couple of new duvets.

Puds depressing me. Today she said “my nose is disgusting cos of my horrible gap isn’t it” – i could have wept. its been like this ever since the Rainbows incident – yesterday Moo laughed because she thought Pud said “I have a hole in my back” (back/gap) Pud really let rip and got very angry but Moo hadn’t done anything – she is just so sensitive now. Tonight i told her about how a friend she likes thinks she is great cos of how she handles her gap and showed her an e-card that handily arrived at a good moment. It made her day *snogs to the people who count – we will return the favour tomorrow*

Not a lot occurred today – i got put back on a waiting list (6 months now i am not lying in a hospital bed!!!!) for having my tonsils out by the most useless doctor that ever walked the earth. Apparently its not his job to advise me :~/ Thank all the gods for Puds fabulous Mr Hall is all i can say.

Tried to Xmas shop and discovered i am now mentally unable to shop in the real world and had to come home to my computer instead!

Had roast all together and am relieved to see that the younger two have seriously improved their table manners – shame its the eldest who has the worst ones! Scruff amused us heartily by playing a “how many times can i ‘accidentally’ drop my fork on the ground before mum and dad notice its a gag” – i swear she is worse than the others were….

Pud obsessed with buying a house and asks everyone if they own theirs. We have spent ALL day doing mortgages and the finer points of why daddy won’t buy again. She wants a house please – and not any old one – but a mock Tudor one!!!!!

Got a very cheap “Pop Up Dragon” yesterday which they have loved and all three have played together beautifully, except it reminded them of some past friends who had a similar game and we had tears. WAIL :~((

Lost Jesus at Sainsburys

Okay – i hope i don’t offend anyone here but this really made me laugh! We went to a little church fair today and as we were leaving, one of the old dears gave all the kids a tiny book of a bible story and Pud got one of Jesus telling his parables. She carried it around all day and when we went out quite late tonight, she took it with her. Walking out into the carpark with our bags she suddenly wailed “I’ve lost Jesus in the shop. I only just got him and i have lost him already!!!!” and burst into tears. And i kid you not, we walked back around the isles with Pud wailing “please keep looking till we find Jesus mummy… pleeeeeease…..” Fortunately we did indeed find Jesus at the checkout. I think its safe to say we got a few odd looks though….

Anyway. We had a nice day today. Went out to play with Jennie and the smalls first thing, took a walk round their town to the churchy thing, procured more stickers, played lots and had a good natter. Popped home and then went back out to playstop with my cousin where they all ran off a lot of steam and had fun. Really hit me today they will move in 3 weeks. I am going to miss them terribly :~(

Moo amused me very much by doing a wooden alphabet pegged puzzle with her toes – she has FOUR toes the same length on each foot and is extraordinarily dexterous with them! She also “read” me a lovely fisher price flap book about pirates, doing all the “script” she must play in her head out loud. It was really nice and quite an insight.

Very amazing is that we had a letter from the Family Fund Trust today. Although we are officially over income for help from them, they felt that with Puds op, Moo’s “lifestyle issues” and Scruffs eczema, never mind renting and having to move all the time, we had had a tough year. They have awarded us money for a holiday, money to help with the extra bedding and clothes that Moos terror of anything wet causes and bought us a washing machine and tumble dryer (we rent ours). I was gobsmacked but i must say its really going to help. Its lovely to be able to look forward to a guilt free holiday without knowing we should be spending it on saving to buy a house. Sending back the rented stuff will save us £30 a month too.

All in all, a fairly good day i think! i do like Fridays; i love my week but fridays with no nursery make a real change and we have a lovely time together. There is something to be said for a structure to the week that is quiet and settled but its nice to blow out on a friday!

After saying i don’t prepare work i have done some forward planning tonight. I have (following the brilliant ideas of my friend Maggie) laminated and bound the first info pages of School Express units on whales, dolphins, penguins, ocean and killer whales to use as info booklets and made the worksheets and answer pages into little work books. I’m not planning on “using” them but they will be available as info/interest/starting point type things.

The killer whale one centres on the whale used in Free Willy – is this a film suitable for a 5 1/2 year old and erm.. does anyone have a copy i could borrow if so? *broad grin!*

Blogger got the munchies

I typed this huge long post yesterday and blogger ate it. Which is annoying. I don’t wish to repeat myself but it was a good day, so i shall try, in small chunks so it doesn’t disappear again…

So – first of all Moo – Sarah – you have my sympathy totally over the hand – its been HORRIBLE being ill this year and Moo came in yesterday when i was still in bed and said “mummy are you poorly in your neck today or are you getting up?” !!!!!!! But aside from that, I’ve been had. Yesterday we had another rip roaring performance till the lift arrived then off she went. Brought her home happy and asked her if she had had fun. She looked me dead in the eye and said “No. I HATE nursery. I HATE you. DON’T make me go back.” I was stunned and very upset. Then daddy came home and asked the same and lo and behold, she launched into a long chat about everything she had done and all her friends!!!!!!!! I was gobsmacked. Very quietly i said “Moo” and got her to look at me – she gave me a steady look, then started to grin and looked away. I’d been HAD! She was making me feel bad! Today she went fine, when i asked if she had fun she said “no” but was smirking and when i asked again she told me all about it.

My baby grew up and got clever! rofl!

While she was out Pud and i had a lot of fun. First we had lunch and while she ate i read her poems about the sea from a Barefoot book called “Sea Dreams”. Then she did beads while i read to her about killer whales and sperm whales – we looked at pictures, discussed evolution (why did the whales move into the sea? Cos it was hard to walk on their flippers!), carnivores, herbivores, schools versus family pods, matriarchs, parenting in the animal kingdom, size and then talked about the sperm whale and its wax organ for diving for ages. We lit a candle and watched the wax warm and cool and stuck a crayon into the flame and drew with melted coloured wax. We held our hand above the flames and felt the warm air moving upwards. We used a school express unit on whales for some facts and figures, found the diet of a killer whale on the internet and cut out pictures of al lthe animals it eats. We used our lovely DK Animal book a lot – (gorgeous) and also a borrowed copy of the Blue Planet book. Then i read her more poems and tried something out from curiosity. I told her a poem was about the sea and asked her to sit still and imagine the picture it made in her head. She said “dolphins” – the first thing i imagine that came into her head and nothing to do with the poem really. So then she got some beads out and i carried on reading al lthe poems in the book while she played, coloured, beaded, dolls housed etc – after each poem where she was apparently “occupied” she knew what the poem was about and could express an opinion. We learnt a bit of one about a turtle and she adored Spike Milligans “A baby sardine”. I wonder what the children who listen best while fiddling do in school? I know i was like that – i used to make shapes with blue-tak to help me concentrate but i was always in trouble for it!

We also finished a lovely sea collage she has worked really hard on. Will do a pic at some point.

Today we made a diagram/pictorial description type thing of a killer whales diet (you know a MOOSE has been found in a killer whale stomach!!!!) and went to speech therapy. She tried really hard and is pretty receptive to just “lets sit down and practise getting this sound right”. Its quite funny, they have all these games to trick kids into therapy but Pud sees straight through them – she prefers the truth! Rainbows went well tonight even if she was a little B****r for much of the day! (Felt tip pen EVERYWHERE *fumes*)

Scruff has added “I’m stuck” and “Over there” to her repetoire!

Reflecting a bit

Its been an odd couple of days really. Dh took all the kids out for the day yesterday and i spent the whole day de-cluttering, tidying, cleaning and so on. Obviously 24 hours later its impossible to tell i did… but i know the cupboards have less crap in them and thats what counts! It was really nice to get some headspace but actually what was nicest was that i wasn’t feeling i desperately “needed” it – dh and i noticed the other day that our expression for worn out, feeling “broken,” has not been used in ages. We seem to have found a rhythm to the household somehow.

In the middle of the day, i had a call from my dad to say our oldest family friend had died of cancer. He was the dad of 3 boys i have known since i was maybe 6 – the middle one and i were great mates at Juniors (he once broke my bullies arm!) and we used to play together often, including regular fake weddings and sneaking off behind a door for a kiss. His older brother was my 8 year old selfs hearthrob and the younger one, good practise for the younger brother i was one day to get (what a little terror he was!) Both the older ones have had babies this year, one only three weeks ago but he was too ill to see that one :~( The dad was quite remote, academic but unfailingly courteous and kind to me – i last saw him when i was pregnant with Moo. My heart is a bit wrenched for the boys to say the least.

Roger, wherever you are, i raise my cyber glass to you.

Aside from that, Moo is playing up a lot about nursery, saying she wants to stay with us, not quite begging but definitely stropping about getting ready, but seeming to go okay when the time comes (although she won’t say goodbye), seems to have had a nice time when we collect her, but is walking on her toes almost the whole time right now (NOT a good sign) and getting some rituals back too. She threw a mental there today over some indistinguishable shoe problem :~( Its really difficult to know how to handle it – my brain is worried, my conscience is worried, my sense of self preservation thinks how much better things have been since she has been going and that i would know if she was actually miserable all the time there, when i pick her up. And she isn’t. I assume its cos she is smart enough to know things happen at home without her, or is worried she is being “shoved out” (lets face it, she is). I can SEE its stimulating her, giving her opportunities and giving her something of her own – so why would she prefer to “stay with us” if all those things add up to something worth being there for? Is she worried its forever? Hmmm. Nothing is ever clear cut. Input from those who count would be good :~) although i don’t think its quite as simple as “get her out” somehow… i think i am “looking” for that cue almost too hard and would do it, but its somehow NOT the cue i am getting.

Today Pud and i watched a whale video, made a mobile with a book we bought at sealife, did some mental maths and did some Hama. The book is excellent – each creature in the mobile has a picture in the book and a paragraph about it. We discussed Baleen whales and their neck filters, whale hunting, products of whales and why people did it, nursing of young, mating (omg – we had a full on “how do you and daddy make babies discussion today – she asked if we had a TUBE!!!!), blubber (yes yes… JUST like mummys tummy) and also looked up where the Northern Bottlenosed Whale lives (Arctic, Canada, Iceland area) on the map. The last thing that came up was “endangered species” while looking at the Blue Whale. I grabbed some Hama beads and said.. “Look, imagine these beads in my hand are our school of whales… every year 1 is born, but 2 die” and showed her how to put 1 from the tub into my hand and then put 2 back, sometimes she chose the baby to go straight back to the dead tub and commented on it. She resolutely went through the whole process until we were down to one bead in my hand and then we talked, using our new mating knowledge, how no more babies could now be made and this was how a species would die out. Amazing stuff, small but amazing.

Later on she said “My favourite thing was reading the book together today.. i love how you teach me things” I went all warm and fuzzy.

This afternoon we went to see some friends – the eldest, who is a month younger than Pud also has a cleft. Hers has not really affected her speech but it has affected her face more noticeably than Pud and she needs more surgery. They also have 3 girls, all similar ages but the kids had not seen each other for ages and hers are much shyer than mine and got a bit overwhelmed by their house being invaded i think. But we decided we would get into the habit of meeting up more- its probably good for the cleft girls to have that alliance really although i don’t know they would have enough in common to be good mates somehow. They seemed so different today! She is in school, had a dreadful time settling last year, has had some bullying to cope with and i got them impression the whole trauma of it has taken its toll a bit. We didn’t get a lot of time to chat today but hopefully we will next week – i’d like to have time to i dunno, be a bit more supportive, even if our mindsets are very different. If Pud ever decides to go to school, i will probably need that support.

I’ve been reading How Children Fail, by John Holt – its an amazing read. I’m too tired to think about it more now – but i will. Incredible to see a picking apart of how classrooms work by a person who at that time was still committed to teaching in schools. Its an eye opener.

Aside from hypothesis…

We did various things today. I managed to get 10 minutes with XP and a 20 gb hard drive before most of my drivers collapsed, so all the old stuff had to go back in for now. Hmmmm….

However, we didn’t get to skating as my throat flared up again and i had to get to the emergency docs but once the world cup excitement wore off *rolls eyes*… my daughter has a rugby heart throb!!!… we did quite a bit of reading with both girls, played tummy ache and had a really great time with some pom beadz. All of them played a lot of dolls house, jigsaws, dollies and also spent a lot of time “flying” the pom dragonflies we had made.

Nice.

Coping with criticism

One of the things that has been discussed a lot on the MP list recently is how to cope with relatives being negative about HE. Fortunately its not something i have really had to deal with – i am not sure my parents exactly approve of HE but as they made an “outside mainstream state run” decision themselves, i suspect they feel a little more open to different options. Besides, i suspect they know that while the educational benefits of a good private school were excellent the emotional effects took their toll on me somewhat. For me, deciding to HE is simply a lifestyle choice based on an individual assessment of me, my dh and my children. Really there is no one else who can make that decision because no one else knows us, the family unit, the way we do. I am terribly glad i don’t have to cope with day in day out criticism from my parents though because i think it would be pretty draining. My parents confine their concerns, if they have any, into putting effort and love into my children, to make sure they have the benefit of plenty of input from different sources. I think that a national journalist and an internationally known pharmaceutical research scientist are pretty good grandparents really ;~)- certainly adds breadth of experience to a maths genius and a literary/historically/crafty minded mummy :~) And then grandad and Auntie L can add mechanics, knitting, historical study of wars/ cars/ aeroplanes and a bit of accounting and book keeping in for good measure. I am deeply relieved that the family setting i live in are the kind who zip up rather than criticise and help rather than hinder. Of course, they know me pretty well and they know i go at stuff pretty determinedly so i suspect that gives them confidence. If it doesn’t, they are hiding it well ;~)

I am, however, also fortunate in that i have someone in my life who makes it their business to challenge everything i do and say, usually negatively. I must admit i find this an incredibly helpful input – it really helps me to look again at things from a different perspective and check that i am not disappearing off down some blind alley of self delusion. Everyone, or at least everyone who is strong enough, should have someone like that in their life – its very motivating. Sometimes, when i have almost have forgotten about feelings i once had, they remind me. Its very useful to have that prompt to re-evaluate things. The same could have been said recently of the Rainbows incident, not very nice but nontheless for me and dh a reminder of why initially we wanted to give our eldest this chance. We have discovered many other benefits since and wouldn’t change the decision to savour these days with our young children but when it comes down to it, Rainbows proved that those fears we had initially were right. And 5 is too young to have to deal with it. My girl has the rest of her life to deal with negativity and i don’t think there is anything wrong with thinking that its better to be able to articulate “This is how it is – deal with it or **** off” than have to cope with an unremitting onslaught about it when the very thing she needs to explain (her voice) is the one thing that makes it hard. I know very well how difficult it is to recover an undermined confidence – i don’t think there is anything wrong with re-evaluating the expected “norm” based on the lessons of our own experience. i was bullied, my dh admits he was probablym ore like the bully – both of us have a good insight into these things.

Its extraordinary how narrow minded and predictable people are, even when all they are doing is attempting to goad someone with repetition of arguments they probably already know the answer to. I mean, almost every parent at playgroup who knew we were going to HE said “yes.. i agree 4/5 is too young to go to school” but still sent them, many many mums i adore cried buckets at a child going off every day but felt it was unavoidable yet none of them would criticise virtually every european country apart from us who send their children FAR later (7 is typical) especially as pretty much all those countries have far better levels of numeracy and literacy than us, never mind all the other things you could compare. How does that make school at 4 or 5 so universally right? I’ve never felt the need to list historical geniuses who were HE’d, nor the fact that its a socially and educationally accepted way of life in plenty of places, notably Canada and the US – actually i think the fact that old Brittany Spears was HE’d is pretty encouraging – not sure you could say that she was suffering too much from a lack of social ability! ROFL!!!!

I can completely understand reservations from people who actually care but the fact is i have yet to meet the HE’d child who isn’t happy, secure, nice to be around, interesting, interested … the list goes on and on. And i love that fact that i go to my HE group and no one actually DOES discuss who is able to do what, who is cleverer, who is top/bottom/average (stuff my friend says is the ONLY topic of conversation at the school gate) – we have much more interesting stuff to chat about! All of which makes me think that none of the mums and dads doing this are loonies and that HE is at the VERY least, at least as good as school.

One thing i am glad about is that i and also therefore the girls, have a pretty wide variety of friends. I have people who HE now who i consider to be my equivalent of the school gate, people i refer to and ask for advice and discuss everything with but i also have friends who knew me before HE became an issue (in fact Auntie Kate remembers the conversation we had over a girl pulled out of school to skate full time the week before i discovered HE… i was horrified. Actually, i think i still am horrified… not sure abandoning everything else at 12 for a career that lasts to age 25 at the most IS a good idea – one of the things that appeals to me about HE is the opportunities for breadth of experience) We also have friends who school, and possibly the thing i like the most is the number of close friends i have who are teachers, who are unremittingly supportive of our decision, knowing what they do about the schooling system. I adore my HE world and wouldn’t be without any of it, but i enjoy being challenged some of the time, by curiosity in preference to negativity admittedly. I adore the fact that we can go and be at home in an HE group, with kids of all ages playing and working together and then go on to a party full of school kids and my kids don’t have any problem fitting in. Why would they?

One thing that i was pleased about at Rainbows this week was that Pud was completely immersed in the meeting, even though she had had a bad experience, she had no desire to run away and never go back, she was playing and being friendly and at the end they had a story and she asked lots of questions, so she obviously still felt confident about talking in front of them all. I think its a credit, not only to her but to the way we have brought her up and helped her discover herself – she has been able to rationalise the feelings she had about it from the fact that we have always talked openly about issues that came up. She knows very well about my bully (which i have worked very hard to explain it a separate sense to school as i really don’t believe in filling kids full of propaganda) and i think she knew that she didn’t feel bullied, just not really able to sort it out for herself. I don’t think i would have been that strong at 5 – i would not have wanted to go back, would not have wanted to hear my mum discuss me with other children, because at 5 i already felt ashamed of being different. Being ashamed of your own existance is NOT a nice feeling. I was not able to see for myself how to fix that at such a young age and i don’t think my mum felt able to muscle in. I think i have learnt from that experience; there is a gradient of dealing with large issues, we have to learn, bit by bit and if we are unlucky enough to be hit with a Grade 10 emotional nightmare when we have only achieved coping level Grade 1, then we need help. We don’t expect adults to cope with every issue alone; there would be no need for workplace advocates, counsellors or at a huge level, law and order enforcers if we did, so why would we expect that a small child should be able to handle every new situation perfectly without help and guidence? Kids are just kids, so are the bullies, the gigglers, the teasers, the loud mouths who think they know everything, the timid ones who never express an opinion. They all have a right to get it right and wrong but they shouldn’t have to suffer for their choices needlessly.

I seem to have come over a bit Tony Blair recently – i don’t really care what people think of me and i don’t really care who likes me, doesn’t like me or whatever. HE has given me huge confidence in myself and criticism only makes me feel even more confident.