But I see you…

“You belong among the wild flowers
You belong somewhere close to me
Far away from your trouble and worry
You belong somewhere you feel free.”

“Every leaf on every tree
And every drop of water in the sea
Every grain of weathered sand
That smashes itself onto dry land
Every stone and every petal, everything that’s elemental
You are never gone.”

I searched for Freddie while we were away, knowing we were close to where he will be buried. I tried to find the feeling of him or the sense of him. I tried to find the notch in the fabric of the universe that would let me through to the other world where he and i, all of us, are together. I tried to find the place to sit where he could sit beside me and we would know, both of us, that we were together, separated only by a universe.

I think i found it in this patch of grass, with the sun on it and the wind blowing through it. It felt like that was where he was.

I can think of many things that the last year or so, many troubles and the life of Freddie, has brought me. The two verses above speak for some of those good things. The sense of the words means much, the spirit of what comes with the giving of them speaks just as loudly.

In memory of Freddie – a Just Giving Page for Hinchingbrooke SCBU

Tags: baby loss, child loss, grief, life after loss, losing a child, neonatal death

This entry was posted on June 14, 2010 at 9:07 pm and is filed under Freddie, Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.