The End of April

This is something new: I don’t want April to end. For the first time in such a long, long time, April has something in it that i cannot bear to let go.

April 2010. The month our son Freddie was born and lived and died. A son. A boy. A brother.

I don’t have a picture to show off the little boy who should be 4 weeks old today.


I have one of the first time we held him and that has to be enough.

I have one of the brightest, most glorious rainbow arching across the sky behind the house today, one i might have held him up to see; his first rainbow.


But i do not have our baby.

I just don’t have the words. But i am very grateful to a friend who wrote this beautiful post for us and for our son. Sometimes it snows in April. It is so much gentler and more dignified than i feel right now.

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  1. sandra haynes says

    Jeanette knows all about those rainbows. May this one be a precious reminder of your sweet baby boy and your unending love for him.

  2. HelenHaricot says

    just hugs and love. so unfair, so surreal, so unexpected and just so not right. he was beautiful. xx

  3. says

    He is so very beautiful. You will carry him with you through the months, I promise. Rainbows (and sunsets – blazing orange and pink sunsets) have become very significant to me since Emma died.

    I wish it could have been otherwise, Merry. I wish you had that one month picture to show off.

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