The End of April

This is something new: I don’t want April to end. For the first time in such a long, long time, April has something in it that i cannot bear to let go.

April 2010. The month our son Freddie was born and lived and died. A son. A boy. A brother.

I don’t have a picture to show off the little boy who should be 4 weeks old today.


I have one of the first time we held him and that has to be enough.

I have one of the brightest, most glorious rainbow arching across the sky behind the house today, one i might have held him up to see; his first rainbow.


But i do not have our baby.

I just don’t have the words. But i am very grateful to a friend who wrote this beautiful post for us and for our son. Sometimes it snows in April. It is so much gentler and more dignified than i feel right now.

  5 comments for “The End of April

  1. sandra haynes
    April 30, 2010 at 11:09 pm

    Jeanette knows all about those rainbows. May this one be a precious reminder of your sweet baby boy and your unending love for him.

  2. Ruth
    April 30, 2010 at 11:49 pm

    xxx still reading but have nothing comforting to say xx

  3. HelenHaricot
    May 1, 2010 at 12:11 am

    just hugs and love. so unfair, so surreal, so unexpected and just so not right. he was beautiful. xx

  4. Liz
    May 1, 2010 at 11:15 am

    so very very cruel.

  5. May 1, 2010 at 9:44 pm

    He is so very beautiful. You will carry him with you through the months, I promise. Rainbows (and sunsets – blazing orange and pink sunsets) have become very significant to me since Emma died.

    I wish it could have been otherwise, Merry. I wish you had that one month picture to show off.

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