Stop all the Clocks
13th April 2010
Just a short note to let you know that Freddie died peacefully in our arms, in the gentlest, kindest way possible, this morning. I think he had done all he came to do, including opening his eyes and making noises for a while before suddenly becoming a far more poorly baby. I am as sure as i can be that something was terribly wrong with him throughout my pregnancy and as the odds began to stack up against him, he just became overwhelmed. I’m grateful to nature that in the last 48 hours he had no fits at all and showed us his eyes and a very beautiful little soul.
At some point i will write up his story – but for now i want to just be with my girls and grieve for our son and brother. We will miss him – and all he could have been – dreadfully.
For nearly 20 years i have hated April, the daffodils and cherry blossom, because of the memory of another boy who was gone too soon. For 4 years it has reminded me of the worst few weeks of my life. If i can do anything, i can fill my garden with daffodils and let Freddie be something precious that April brought us.
Night night, Freddie.
Posted in Freddie, Uncategorized | 
Tags: baby loss, child loss, grief, life after loss, losing a child, neonatal death
142 Responses to “Stop all the Clocks”
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oh Merry I am so sorry
you are in our thoughts
xx
Thank you everyone. And Mink, i have thought of you so much over these last few years and this week especially. I don’t know how you managed to do it all again – i can’t even begin to imagine doing so now. I think my belief in things going right is well and truly broken.
Oh no
I’m so, so sorry, Merry and family.
I just left a comment on the previous post without looking to see if there were any more first. The comment still stands though – what a beautiful picture, and you are all very, very much in my thoughts and prayers now. I’m sure everyone who reads this blog is weeping with you all.
Look after each other, and lots of love.
Im a long time reader but have never commented. Im so so sorry. Ill be thinking of you.
Alex
Merry, Im very sorry to hear of the loss of your little boy. I will be thinking of you and your family.
Warmest wishes,
Sara
Sending you all love and hugs in this difficult time. Ours thoughts are with you. xx
So terribly sad to hear of your loss. No amount of words can heal the pain that you are all feeling at this moment but hopefully time will allow you to remember him without too much sorrow.
I don’t know you except through your blog so I hope you don’t mind but I am holding you and and your family in my thoughts and prayers today and hope that you are able to find some peace somewhere today and again in all the days that follow.
So sad, words just aren’t enough …
I can’t stop thinking about you all and trying to imagine what you are going through. I wish I could find the right words to say just how sorry I am to hear about your terrible loss. xx
I just had to add my name so you know how many people are there with you through this. We met once or twice some years ago, I’m local to you, I want to offer help but don’t know what. Do ask anyone and everyone for help if you need it though.
Merry,
You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. No words could express a sorrow so profound and we will be thinking of you and your family in days to come. May you find the strength and love amongst each other to carry on and live the life you would have loved to share with him..
So very sorry for your loss. You are all in our thoughts, sending lots of love xx
I’m so sorry to read of your family’s loss; wishing you and your husband and your beautiful girls much time and space to grieve for your little boy.
Merry and family,
You don’t know me (I have lurked on and off ever since I first started to home ed and you started Muddle Puddle) but I just wanted to say how very sorry I am about the loss of Freddie.
My thoughts are with you all xxx
My prayers are with you and your family, with your little boy. No words feel right, just a silent prayer for Freddie.
I’ve not been reading, drifted away a bit. But stumbled across your blog again to find this.
I’m sitting here with tears on my cheeks for you all. So so sorry to hear your news and sending cyber ((hugs))
Thinking of you all, and sending you as much love and light as a I can. xxxxxxx
so very very sorry
xxxx
Merry. Im another reader who you dont know but I would just like to say how sorry I am to read about Freddie. Im thinking about you and your family.
Love love love to you all. So very sorry. xxxxx
So, so sad to hear this. Thinking of you all.
I’m so very sorry to hear about Freddie. The photographs of all of you together are beautiful, and I’m so sorry that he couldn’t be with you for longer. Take care of each other.
Dear Merry
So sorry to hear about your sad and terrible news. So glad that you got a few precious moments with your special baby.
It will make me hug my four a little bit tighter tonight when I tuck them in.
Sending you my love,
Kelly
Can’t find the words.Sending love to you all.
Lisa and girls
I am so sorry to hear of your loss
and thinking of you and your family during this difficult time Xxx
I am so very sad to hear of your loss of precious Freddie. I doubt you remember me, but I remember you from way back on various groups, and am saddened to hear of your loss.
I too lost my fifth baby suddenly shortly after birth last July and if you ever need a friendly ear, I’m here.
Much love to all of you. x
I am so saddened to hear of your loss. Beautiful Freddie. Wish I could make it better for you all.
Sending much love and hugs.
Min & Annie xxx
I am so so sorry for your loss!
I am so, so sorry – it is heartbreaking news
Here from Jeanette’s blog. I am so terribly sorry for the loss of your precious boy. I love what you have said about April’s new meaning to you. Wishing for peace and comfort to find you soon. xx
Merry, I don’t think you know me. I was part of the Yahoo vbac/hbac e-group until October ’08, when our daughter Emma died during labour. I remember you from there. I visited Jeanette’s blog today and clinked on the link that brought me here. I was so saddened when I recognised that you were the mother Jeanette mentioned.
I am so very, very sorry that your beautiful boy, Freddie, is not in your arms. I wish gentle days for you as you grieve.
You don’t know me either. I have lurked on your blog, on and off, for about a year. I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my prayers.
I am another long time reader but have never commented before. You have inspired so many people with your blog and I’m so sad to hear about your beautiful baby boy. Take time to grieve and hold your family close. Sleep tight Freddie x
I’ve read your blog over the years, and as I’m now HE again checked in on you a few weeks ago and was pleased to read of your pregnancy. I’m so very sorry to hear about the death of your precious baby boy, I cannot begin to imagine the pain you and your family must be experiencing.
Sandra
oh i am so sorry to read this sad sad news. you will all survive and grow stronger and wiser, i am sure. thank you for sharing your photographs.
so very sad for you – he was very beautiful.
Merry – I am so very very sorry to hear this awful news. We send all our love to you and your gorgeous family. Night night little boy xxxx
Merry, i am so sorry to hear this news and my thoughts are with you and your family at this very sad time. I am sure that baby Freddie is playing with all of the sleeping angels now, my angel Joshua will look after him. xxxx
I am so, so, sorry to read that you have lost Freddie and send you all lots of love and sympathy. My Aprils are also overshadowed. Our first baby died in April a long time ago now and although it becomes less raw it doesn’t go away.
I am so terribly sorry that you lost your beautiful boy.
Really shocked and sorry to hear about Freddies death. Merry, I hope you are getting through somehow. Sending you lots of love. xxxx