The 30th March, so Timehop reminded me today, was Freddie’s due date. Tomorrow is the day when I thought he was coming and curled up in bed. Perhaps I should have walked about, maybe he’d have made it then. The 1st April we sat at the table and played with Hama Beads. And then came the 2nd.

I don’t know what to do with this grief, this year. I’m tempted to ignore it, refuse to do all the traditions and memorials we (I) have created.

But then he will be lost.

So I suppose we will just keep on, keeping on.

I don’t know what to do with it this year. I just feel a bit lost, to be honest. Lost in a rather blank feeling of routine grief.

I wonder if that is normal?


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  1. says

    Nobody says how you have to feel. You know despite the venting that it was nothing you did that caused Freddie’s death. You will have lots of different thoughts on the day itself but I hope you find a way of grieving that works for you right now – it is forever changing and only you can know what you should do (if anything) to mark the day. xxxBig hugs.

  2. says

    Yes, one just keeps on going …. I’ve said for years now that it doesn’t ever go away, you simply grow accustomed to carrying it …. The weight of grief and loss changes us and we can’t always see who we are anymore. But then the world turns, again, and there we are …. Still here, still carrying our dear ones. Every year looks a little different, but they are still here, cradled beneath our hearts.

    Hugs and love to you Merry

  3. says

    It’s not your fault. It’s not anything you did or didn’t do, it’s just arbitrary and awful and unfair. And there’s no right or wrong way to grieve, so just do what you need to do, though I know it might not feel clear now what that is. I hope, whatever you do, it feels right and brings you some peace. Lots and lots of love and hugs xxxx

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